Thursday, 30th August 2001
It is a rather bad idea to embark on an online discussion with your tutorial mates when you haven't done the
readings (and won't admit it either) and end up embarrassing yourself by rambling nonsense. Then attribute it to the death of your hamsters and pretend to be away on a toilet break when you're sitting there frantically flipping the notes trying to make head and tail of it. I'm so silly, I know. =)
I didn't do much today, mainly because I fell asleep on the couch while reading my notes. But I did finish four chapters of Dobe Ju/'Hoansi for my Sociology and watch "Legally Blonde" on VCD. It has a rather predictable ending but the ditz-goes-to-Harvard plot was quite refreshing and Reese Witherspoon did a fine job as a blonde - but just how much acting skills do you need to play an airhead?
I actually walked the grounds of Harvard when I was in Boston and I was hoping they would shoot some scenes at Harvard Square (my favourite place in the world) but they didn't. Guess they didn't actually film the movie there. Would have been too disruptive for all the Harvards intellectuals and eccletics, no? =) I remember standing at the junction across the road from the main gate, wondering how anyone can get to be this smart. Imagine my humiliation as real Harvard kids walked onto campus and saw us posing for photos in front of the John Harvard statue. Oh well, I might never get to be there again.
Boston and Cambrige is what people term "college town" and it lives up to its name well. You see illustrious people with their reading glasses holding on to a book everywhere. I visited six different universities while I was there, and it's an entirely different universe from the local university I am attending here. But I'm not complaining because I know God has His plans for me. =)
Nevertheless, if given the chance, I would definitely want to live for a few years there. I still get a strange pang of longing and desire everytime I remember how it felt waking up in the morning (with daylight savings!) thinking I couldn't possibly be any happier and to walk down the street with the cool summer air in my face. And boarding the bus to Harvard Square, changing trains at Downtown Crossing to Fanueil Hall, scouring the malls for hours on end (with all the Abercrombie and Fitch outlets you can handle), quaint vintage bookstores, sidewalk cafes and street buskers, having a typical American breakfast (bagels, cream cheese and bacon!), the Chinese takeaways, Korean and Japanese restaurants, taking photos at Sandy Lake, walking back home without knowing which way to go, trespassing through the private yacht club, chatting up countless random strangers off the street.
All I need to do is close my eyes and imagine.
I can revisit them in my mind, anytime I like. =)
Wednesday, 29th August 2001
The stupid mosquitoes are having a wild party feasting upon my blood. I have tiny bites all over my body, especially on my right thigh and neck (!!!) and I'm trying best as I could to resist the urge to scratch them. Never appreciated medicated oil more than I do now. I wish to hell all mosquitoes would go away to. Evil evil critters.
I finally uploaded the photos we took at Loo's party the other day. I looked horribly fat that day, bah.
9:05 p.m.
Didn't go to Sports Club today even though I badly need to excercise. Stayed at home and ate more than I should instead. Oh well. =)
Got a SMS from Nick thanking me for the card I wrote him on Sunday. He was sick then, so I got Clue to pass it to him for me. Didn't reply even though I badly wanted to. Today was supposed to be their graduation day, wonder how it went? My SMS couldn't get through to Clue as usual.
Spent half the afternoon taking a nap and I've just finished working on the YF brochure publicising for the programme two weeks from now. So darn proud of myself. I shall spend tomorrow doing my readings for Japanese Studies and Sociology, because I am a good girl and I will be a good stewart of my time.
And these are some random pictures I took yesterday night.
11:52 p.m.
12:23 a.m.
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Monday, 27th August 2001
Haven't been updating as regularly as I used to, but my weekends are always as packed as tuna in a can...(and wouldn't Adelin have something to say about the endangerment of dolphins no thanks to canned tuna!)
And I'm updating from school.
Joanne turned 19 on Saturday (and I couldn't get my SMS through to her though I should have just called, which I haven't done yet, oops!), my brother turns 15 today and Adelin left for Colby early Saturday morning.
There were 10 new friends in YF on Saturday, something we haven't seen in a long time and we spent the whole session creating an identity for the YFers by making banners, posters, boards and the like for the room. Everyone contributed and added their own style and flavour to the place and the result was truly splendid. =)
On Sunday we saw another breakthrough in our celebration service attendance - there was over 160 worshippers this week (as compared to 143 last week and before that, 120 regulars) and it was incredible, seeing the whole auditorium almost filled with people coming together early in the morning on a Sunday to sing praises to the Living God!
Ever since we leaders committed ourselves to fasting and praying for the church twice weekly, going down to Sports Club regularly and forming power groups to pray for the congregation throughout the service, I can truly see God working in our midst and I am spurred on to do more good works for Him! I can't put to words the immense satisfaction (and I'm probably not using an appropriate word but not to be confused with self gratification) I get from seeing the lives of people (especially those I hold dear to my heart) moulded and transformed by the Holy Spirit.
For great is our God, and greatly to be praised.
Had a fruitful time of fun and fellowship with my youth CG downtown yesterday. We were supposed to go ice-skating (and I even brought my funky glitter jeans!) but the plan didn't fall through somehow and we ended up at Orchard and watched "A Knight's Tale" at Cineleisure. Heath Ledger is yum yum yummy so go watch! After the movie we didn't want to go home (oh we aimless kids, haha) so we walked to Kopitiam @ Meridian and sipped bubble tea and talked the night away. Jes sat next to me and asked me a lot of innocent questions, JT explained army politics to us, Daniel shared his testimony with Jia and I faciliated the discussion, heh. I am thankful for the transparency my members show me and the kind of support they give me as a new CGL... =)
And Jia is so cute, in a boyish manner. =P But if only Train woould stop teasing him about me...
Friday, 24th August 2001
Spent my afternoon studying at the Coffee Bean outlet in the mall opposite my place with Zhao, half-talking and half-reading my notes. I was at least twice as productive as I would have been at home (would have been either sleeping, watching TV or surfing the net). Finally finished the readings on medieval Japan and actually got some facts into my otherwise-dormant brain.
There was a hilarious true story about these robbers who dressed up as the seven gods of fortune and broke into the home of this guy who was delighted by the 'divine visitation'. And you thought you were stupid?
My favourite shop now has got to be the 1.99 retail chain. It's a God-sent for bargain hunters like me... I've bought bags (one of which saw me through Boston, New York and Japan, hey hey), box files, notebooks, a powder blush brush and other sundry items. Today I discovered they were selling plain t-shirts in the colors I've always wanted, so I didn't resist and got red and moss-green. =)
I wanted to buy a black tote to adorn with the Superman logo iron-on Lynx got me from Taiwan, but they only had it on blue, grey (which I already have) and red. And then there was the funky flip-flops with the plastic flowers on it, but they didn't have the pink one in my size. Drats!
Anyhow, I'm still a happy, contented girl. =)
Tuesday, 21st August 2001
I had lost all credibility in my music teacher when he didn't turn up for the past two sessions, but I got to meet him today, and he's the radest! We did breathing excercises, clapping/pulsing/rhythm, voice projection, self-awareness... next week he'll go into the singing aspect of the course, and I can't hardly wait!
Skipped my IT lecture today though, I just got my period and my stomach cramps almost killed me over. I feel handicapped whenever it's the time of the month, I can't do anything properly and I can't make the horrible pain go away...
All I can do is close my eyes and focus on something else or sleep it away. I think it's because I don't eat fruits, thus indigestion and constipation and when the muscles contract and all the anatomical jargon, so it's twice as bad for me. I either start eating fruits (I'd much rather die) or learn to live it.
I can live with this. 2 days out of a month ain't that bad. People have had it worst, I'm sure.
But right now I just want to rip my stomach open and dig my womb out.
11:43 p.m.
I don't like her. I never did and probably never will.
It's easier to love someone than to like someone. Love is a commandment from God, and it comes naturally and effortlessly. You see a beggar on the street and you toss him a dollar, because you love him as a human being but you probably don't like him much.
And so it is with her. I'm giving her chances, but I can't help but despise the way she puts on an angelic facade to people just to make them like her. Maybe some people don't notice, but I do. You can't pick people to be nice to, girl. You don't pick the popular guys or those of a higher status to elevate your own. I think that's just sick.
Stop talking to my good friends when I'm around like you're better friends with them. So you did this and that with them, good for you, but what's your point?
I'm tired of all the silent competitions we have. I don't need to prove myself to her. I am comfortable with who I am, and I'm not afraid to be myself around others, but can she say the same about herself?
We all need to grow up.
Sunday, 19th August 2001
"He doesn't care," I retorted when Lynx asked me during dinner what happened to Nick. It wasn't meant to be a "passing fling" or however he phrased it, although the initial intention of acquainting myself with him was solely based on his outward appearance. Oh, I don't know. It's just stopped moving on since he went into the army, and like Lynx pointed out, unless I look like a red Ferrari (?!!), it would take more to get his attention.
But enough about him. Marsk has left for the States, and my phone was down when he messaged me goodbye and I wished I had the chance to talk to him one last time! If he gets to read this, all the best Zhoos!
Because of my paranoia, I have changed Julian's name into Spunky. Too many inter-connection within the Singapore web community and I'm not talking any chances here.
11:34 p.m.
Nick turned up for service (I had heard from Lynx that he was going to be on guard duty) and after not seeing him for close to a month, it's such a relief to see that he's still alive in one piece! =P He looks the same really, except he was wearing a cap to conceal the fact that his beautiful locks were gone. Made eye contact and smiled at his direction, but never got round to saying hi and catching up.
I don't wanna get too close.
Forwarded him an SMS after lunch and he replied with another forwarded message. Insignificant as it might sound, I smiled myself silly and happily showed it to Des. Ann thought that I've already gotten him in love with me and that I was gonna break another heart again.
Oh girl, how I wish you were right!
Almost wanted to write him a personal SMS, but this time I had the sense not to. I don't think I can handle his insouciance right now. There are plenty of guys to go around...
Had a poolside dinner party at Loo's place today, and it evokes so much fond memories - stalking Chauvin (dead ringer for Ashton Kutcher!), hanging out outside the minimart, Uncle Bao and Uncle Cheong, learning how to play pool, study sessions, blading, BBQs, more parties and gatherings, afternoons after church... we spent so much time there in high school!
It was near perfect. Her parents spent a bomb on the food and utensils (again), we wined and dined by the pool with the cool night breeze, fantastic food, wonderful setting, great company, great stories and anecdotes to share, played games, took countless photos... Loo even wrote our names in pink permanent ink on different Ikea cups as a keepsake of the wonderful time.
Met Sherwin and Benny (Widjano, future Indonesian president candidate hah!) for the first time. Strangely glad I didn't bring a date along... chemistry of the group would have been broken I think.
Thank you for the friendships, Lord. =)
Saturday, 18th August 2001
Correction. I was never introduced to Spunky. We all set on the same row during the orientation talk and I asked Jo who he was (because like I said, he's dishy ;P) and she told me his name but without formally introducing us. That explains it! Next tutorial I'll bring it up.
I think I did okay during class today (except for my nasal voice no thanks to the cold) because I made intelligent-sounding suggestions... =) This other girl (whose name I conveniently forgot) was on a perpetual high and kept making references to Takuya Kimura and Angelina Jolie... ?!! And because he sat opposite me in the circle, I couldn't help but notice his immediate reaction of covering his face, cringing in mock disgust and shaking his head. I shall not talk about these two people in front of him. =)
I am still sick. I seldom fall ill, but when I do, it takes a long time to get well. I think it's getting worse. Talked to Adelin on the phone for an hour, but pretty much incoherent 75% of the time. How I am going to lead youth CG time tomorrow is beyond me. I hope a good sleep would combat the nasty virus!
Friday, 17th August 2001
Yesterday, I had dinner with my adult CG at the Raffles City food court with three new friends, after which we walked to One Fullerton (situated by the Singapore River) and drank and made merry. =)
Shirley brought "Ungame" in which we take turns to pick cards from the stack and answer the questions written on it. Some were really silly like, "If you could only watch one hour of TV a week, what programme would you choose", (of which we ignored). Others were questions like, "Say something about suicide" or "Describe a childhood experience with death", but not all totally depressing of course. Sometimes someone would pick a trumph card which allows you to ask anyone anything, and my favourite question would be "Tell us your deepest, darkest secret", because it's always shocking and very revealing about the person.
It was a night of great fun, and I got home in time to watch the later bit of GTO. =)
Today, I woke up half an hour before lecture and had to rush to school, throwing on a plain purple tee with my black capris. I felt groggy and disgusting the whole day because I hadn't bathed in the morning and was (and still am) down with flu and a slight sore throat.
Luck would have it that my best friend's boyfriend W's best friend Spunky is in the same English tutorial and project group as me... and he's dishy! Heard from W that he got picked to join NUS equivalent of Manhunt but he turned it down. I was briefly introduced to him once but he probably forgot me, but I'll refresh his memory soon enough, heh. =P
English tutorial is cool. We're supposed to come up with a language of our own, and my group have yet to come up with a name for it, but so far we have güch (say gooch) for I, güche (say goochy) for we, üche (say ooch) for you and üche (say oochy) for they. Got stuck at he and she. Someone suggested "Takuya" for he, hahaha. It wasn't me, I swear.
Thursday, 16th August 2001
12:27 p.m.
12: 02 a.m.
10:43 p.m.
12:06 a.m.
01:27 a.m.
3:35 p.m.
12:02 a.m.
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Why are you always so happy, Trish?
Because God is good, and His love and mercies shall endure forever. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. Amen!
Overate again today. Yong tau foo, chocolate milk pearl tea, tub of melon seeds, two fried fish fillets, peanut-butter-and-chocolate sandwich, Pink Dolphin drink, three pieces of popiah and nasi goreng with sunny-side-up egg.
I lack self-discipline.
Where do you get your money from? Parents.
Why don't you give tuition? No time!
"There's no such thing as having 'no time'", John replied rather matter-of-factly. "It's up to you to organise and compartmentalise your time... focus on what you do so you don't waste time worrying about it. Set aside specific time from each activity and make sure you adhere to it. You can do it!"
School started already huh? Yeah, and I have sooo much readings to do!
"It's always the case! You need a place to study, and when I was still schooling, the community centre's study rooms was very useful to me..." Ivan suggested. But I'm too lazy to register myself as a member and it's probably expensive, I griped. "Money is not a problem! I can pay for your membership if you need the money, studying is very important okay?"
These are two very good men.
I don't know why, but you look very pretty today.
I stood there next to the volleyball court, clad in my old high school class tee and dingy white shorts with my unruly hair and naked face when Shu came up to me and said that.
I could live off a compliment for a week, heh. =)
Tuesday, 14th August 2001
Even through I griped about having too much readings (which I haven't done), I am printing even more information about Japanese history off the net. It's wildly interesting and I couldn't resist... =P
I am now reading selections from "Decameron" by Giovanni Boccaccio. I promise to get off soon and start on my readings. Really.
11:07 p.m.
Curry bun, pizza bun, strawberry pearl tea, buttered melon seeds, sour chicken curry, hot Milo and big bowl of tau suan equals to torrential diarrhoea. Bleah! =(
Mental note to self : Stop eating so much, you horrible glutton!
I woke up late today and had to take a cab to school, forking out 8 precious bucks. I hardly ever take cabs because I think they're a royal waste of money. I'd rather be chauffered around, hah!
And guess what? The lecturer for the music module was absent for the second consecutive week. Chaz persuaded me to meet the people in the class, so I made my little introduction and stood apart from the crowd for most of the time. Didn't felt like I belong in there... I have no prior musical knowledge at all, don't know chords, a minor from a major or whatever. We went into the dance studio (where class is usually held) since it was air-conditioned, and as they all took turns to do their little solos on the piano (amateurs my foot, liars!), I couln't help but feel incredibly stupid and unlearned. Wondered if I had chosen the wrong course. Contemplated dropping it, since it doesn't count, but I'll give it some time.
Have you any idea how much readings I have for all my subjects? I get discouraged even before I start. I look around and I see industrious people who actually prepared their tutorial answers in essay form or computer-generated notes... then I see my own scribbled half-answered paper.
Life is busy. I only have Tuesday and Thursday evenings free, of which I am suppose to spend catching up on school work, but I'm using it to eat, watch tv and sleep. Bad girl!
You are made strong in my weakness, Lord.
Sunday, 12th August 2001
Ugh. I just received an e-mail from NUS telling me that I am not allowed to take two GEM modules from Group B, which effectively means I would not get any credits from taking up the music module. If I should choose to drop it now, a 'W' (withdrawal) would appear on my transcript, but I can still take it up for interest. Problem is, the idiots sent me the mail after the dateline. I can go ahead and try applying for some other module, but this would mean disrupting my schedule and having to apply for new tutorial groups... Nooooo!
I feel betrayed. But I'll continue with the module since there are no examinations, just a solo/group performance at the end of the course. Besides, I've always wanted to go for proper vocal lessons but never enough funds, and this module basically teaches me music notations, breathing techniques and such.
Which means I would have to make up for an extra module within my next 3-4 years in university. I'll try source for another project-based or non-examination module or perhaps take up summer classes if it's allowed.
Tutorials begin tomorrow! I got a new slot for my English one, but the website is unaccessible so I can't check the time I changed to (lost the print-out) and I have a feeling it's sometime tomorrow. Grrreat. I also haven't started thinking through the questions various lecturers have posed to us and done much readings. It's time to get serious, people!
Nick did not come for service today. I hide my disappointment, but I am more convinced that I don't need him around. Just a pretty face... another one bites the dust. I've been meeting many wonderful guys of late anyways, heh. =)
Had another long meeting for YF leaders after service today, lasted from 2 to 6:30. We basically made observations of the current system, the pros and cons, Suan proposed a new schedule to us (the third one this past two months, but I'm an advocator for change for the better) and we rationalised through it. Suan also helped to redefine the scopes of different leaders and departments and set the basic rules and standards. She's the complete opposite of our previous head Sally who was a very flexible, 'for-the-moment' person who went more with her heart and made a lot of openings for the leaders. I guess both have the style of working, but the most important is to really feel God's heartbeat and move in tandem with His calling...
The youth CGLs would no longer be sheperds of our youths, but be more focused on the evangelical aspect of YF, developing a warmer community and interpersonal and group skills. The pastoral needs of our regular youths would be taken care of by their respective mentors, while the CGL would encourage the youths to bring down their friends and touch base with the newcomers. We are also leaders of the NOD (New friends Orientation Department) in charge of leading ice-breakers and structural games for the new friends while the youth attend their bible study classes. This is in addition to being involved with the Xinmin Secondary School connection where we hold regular self-improvement workshops for their students and in the process, reach out to them using friendship evangelism.
It might sound like a lot of work, but the joy of the Lord is my strength! It encourages me immeasurably when I see lives of youth being transformed and souls being saved, knowing that I played my part and made a difference!
Father Lord, I thank you that Your favour is upon our YF and for the blessings you have showered upon us this past year. Indeed, I pray that we would not take all this for granted and be complacent in our comfort zones, but to go all out to do your good works and spread your Word and Truth! I pray that we would be patient and persevere to see the fruits of our labour, and to wait upon You for You make all things beautiful in Your own time... May we learn to consecrate our lives and entrust all matters unto Your Soverign hands... Grant us peace, joy and love as we serve You and bless us in all areas of life - ministry, church, studies/work and family. You alone are the great I Am, and You are all I need. Amen.
Saturday, 11th August 2001
An uneventful day. Skipped my single English lecture this morning because I couldn't get my eyes open. I had slept at half-past three watching the Japanese VCD I bought from Malaysia.
It carrys the concept of a "show within a show" entitled "Open! 24 hours" and Takuya Kimura plays dua roles, one of which is his real-life persona as a SMAP hearthrob. In the ending segment when he does a little medley for a TV show, he plays the piano and sings "My Song".
I died and went to heaven.
Yes I am clicking on the rewind button . =) He also performs the jazz piece "Fly me to the moon", which I put on my voicemail recording.
In other words, hold my hand, in other words, baby, kiss me...Fill my heart with song and let me sing forever more, you are all I long for, all I worship and adore... In other words, please be true, in other words, I'm in love with you....
Damn, he's sexy.
I spent most of my day doing up the poster for YF, only completed one out of three. It's been ridiculously long since I last touched crayons or used watercolor paints, but I'm glad it still comes pretty natural to me.
I started art classes when I was three, but stopped at eleven because I wanted to concentrate on my academics. And just to boast a little, I've won hundreds of trophies in various competitions, but those were the heydays...
Also watched "Bridget Jone's Diary" from the laptop which I rather enjoyed and related to. What I wouldn't do, though, to have Hugh Grant and Colin Farth engage in a brawl over me, hah! And the travel series on Arts Central featuring the magnificent Takeshi Kaneshiro diving in the Antartic region and a special on the ethereal Marilyn Monroe. Haven't watched so much TV in a long time!
Better go update the New Friends contact list for Aaron tomorrow... and go to school early in the morning to manually swap my English tutorial timing since no vacancies were available online, drats.
Thursday, 9th August 2001
Confession of the day : I did not watch the National Day Parade. (I was busy uploading photos and only noticed it had ended when I heard the commentators mentioned "resounding end".)
Happy 36th birthday, Singapore. =)
I made it back from Malaysia in one piece! I had a nasty gut feeling about the trip before I left, having dumped aside all my modules/tutorials unsettled. But I went anyhow, and I had a good time. =)
Photos are uploaded here. (I am in all-black.)
There were many first-times this trip. Amongst my little adventures were -
The kelong wasn't quite as exotic as I expected, but it was set in a rural area of Johor Bahru, far away enough from the city hub. We had proper rooms with toilets and air-con(!!) with fantastic food and excellent service. And I paid for myself afterall, my mum gave me money. =)
Eng (resident hunk of our group ;P) and I did all the BBQ-ing for dinner and I got to talk to him quite a bit. He was also from ACJC (but 6 or 7 years my senior), a rugger (and looks every inch like it) and like me, was from a cheena (chinese-speaking) secondary school and got the same points for our 'O' levels. I was surprised when he actually asked me about my background as a Christian, I thought it would be a taboo topic during the trip... But other than that, we didn't have much chance to share deeper.
Breakfast was nasi lemak, mee siam, currypok, hard-boiled eggs, tapioca cakes and milk tea/coffee.
We were grossly over-fed at lunch with a 8-course meal. We had sambal kangkong, chilled snails, fried lemon chicken, tom yam steamed fish, seaweed soup, claypot tofu, black-pepper crabs and giant chilli prawns. God has really been blessing me with big feasts lately...
Cindy has beautiful eyes (natually lined, hmph!), YS looks like a handsome Hui-ge of Channel 8 (he must have felt insulted), Eric is unbeatable in the art of 'suan'-ing and Eng is a beefcake. Ray showed a whole new side of himself, Ant wasn't in his top form, Shirley was beated by us at every word she said and I was the silly little girl in the group, as usual.
It went by too fast, I think. I was reluctant to come back the moment I remembered all my duties in Singapore. But I had gotten Joa to help me out with the music module, and she called me just now and told me I got it afterall. For all that trouble, all I had to do was re-apply, geez.
When I entrusted everything into Your hands, You showed me the way. Thank you, Lord.
And oh, Nick was out Wednesday night and booked in tonight, and I didn't get no stupid SMS from him. Maybe I'm the stupid one...=(
Sometime
11:54 p.m.
10:02 p.m.
1:38 a.m.
8:02 p.m.
1) Sitting in a mini-van with durians, mangosteens and rambutans for 1 frickin' hour (my black shawl came into good use and I 'mummified' myself the whole ride, providing good entertainment for the rest)
2) Playing with a monkey (it liked me the best and wouldn't stop cuddling up to me... =P)
3) Jet-skiied (it wasn't much of a kick, the first time I sat with Shirley then YS rided me and the fuel was running out so it went slow)
4) Smuggled pirated VCDs and getting away at Customs (my bag got checked but I distracted them with the original Japanese VCD I bought... I bought "Bridget Jone's Diary" and "Legally Blonde", yay)
5) Walked across the Causeway (it's not that far, but we were literally walking on the road right next to the traffic and that was scary)
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Wednesday, 8th August 2001
I did not agree with Jessy when she said during the leader's retreat that "we can only have that much of a limited circle of friends" and I am right.
I meet new people every day, at school, at church, online and wherever you name it. Today I was introduced by XL to Thomas's girlfriend Soph. She lives within my neighbourhood and was posted to NUS Arts as well, only she opted to study Visual Communications in La Salle instead. (Which was what I so badly wanted, but my parents wouldn't hear of it...) We actually had a lot to talk about, with mutual friends and such, but Thomas sent us back and the car ride was short. Anyhow, she wants to join my adult CG next week, so I'll talk more to her on Sunday. =)
I am terribly excited now that National Day is coming up, not because my dear country is turning mid-life 36, but because Nick would be out! Most people just assumed that I've forgotten or given up on him after I stopped talking about it and writing it in my journal, but no... I kept whatever feelings of infatuation within me, determined not to let myself get out of control. And I'm proud of myself for having done so. =) I still have some of the sweet SMSs he sent me stored on my phone and I smile at it all the time...
Thing is, if they release him tomorrow (gosh I make him sound like a convict!), I'll already be on my way to Malaysia. My adult CG is sponsoring me to travel up north to Malaysia with them, and we are meeting 6 in the evening at Kranji station and would spend a night and day in a kelong. And I'm not sure if he'll go for Sports Club, but I'll miss him even more! And on Sunday, when he's almost certainly to go for service, I wouldn't be able to go out with him after that because there's a compulsory meeting for youth leaders at 2. I know the meeting is going to take a long time since there are so many issues at hand to tackle. Sigh!
But I've told myself, if he doesn't message me when he's out, I vouch to kiss his smelly ass goodbye.
Today was a stupid day. I was offered a music module which I missed the dateline for, and I was pushed around departments to departments trying to settle the problem. I went from Uni Hall to CFA to English to Engin (for lecture) back to CFA and then Dean's office. (And I met Cessy and Rangga briefly on the way.)
Some of the places happen to be very far apart, so I was flustered and perspiring the whole time. I missed my lunch and only had a pearl red tea at the Forum. Finally the people at the Dean's office told me there was nothing they could do, geez! I had Prayer & Praise after church, so when I returned and checked my mail, I realised that the administrator had extended the time for me to 4:00 p.m. today, which I missed again! I immediately sent her a lengthy e-mail explaining my predicament and offering my sincerest apologies. I will wake up early tomorrow to check for her reply and see how things go. I am prepared to go throught the whole manual process again, even talk to the lecturer. I need 5 modules this semester to graduate on time.
So I have to attend classes tomorrow, settle my music module, come home and pack for my Malaysia trip and rush to Kranji to meet them in the evening. The poster would have to wait till Friday. I need to free up more days! How ironic it is that I am celebrating National Day by being out of town...
Monday, 6th August 2001
I haven't been this tired in a looong time. Many factors involved - not getting good sleep in days, fasting till dinner for the first time this year, walking around campus too much and meeting too many people.
I met up with Marianne, a new friend I made in Japanese Studies lecture last week. Thank God I had the chance to talk to her more about church, Christianity and the like... she confided in me that she's been feeling unpassionate and indifferent to the Lord since she broke up with her last boyfriend, and I tried, to my best knowledge, to encourage her with God's words and personal experiences... I also invited her to Prayer & Praise tomorrow night, but she has an interview with NU Studios. There's be other opportunities I guess. =P I also got to know her best friend Kai who's an atheist of sort, not much sharing done, but more of getting to know the basics about each other. Marianne even asked me to pray for Kai, which I promised her I would. But I think it's more important to get Marianne back on track with her spiritual life now.
And although it only takes 10-15 minutes to get from the Arts Canteen to the Central Library, it took Marianne and I twice the time because I kept bumping into people I know! I could barely walk 30 seconds without seeing a familiar face and having the repeat the whole, "hey, how's everything blah blah blah" routine over and over again. I met Bern, Ting, Min, Jo, Joa, Ger, Kelly, Chaz, Kaixin... and countless other people whom I'm too tired to recall. I must have given Marianne the wrong impression that I'm some social butterfly... to me, it just felt like a high school reunion gone wrong.
After my last lecture, I went to Yusof Ishak House to collect my readings for IT and I sat at the TV corner reading the Bible and writing down some quotes for Marianne. Then I spotted two of my friends and went over to talk to them... then I saw Cessy walk past, so I went over later to say hi and made friends with her friends Jaze and Ix. We sat down together at the canteen there to chat for a while before Cessy and I went for the Aspire welcome tea.
And much to my horror, there were even more people to smile at and act cordial with! I expected a small group of 20 or so, but there must have been 30, 40-odd people there from all faculties, all levels. I was having a massive headache from the bad lighting and sunken chairs, but I did my best to be perky and approachable. I can't remember half the hands I shook (there was even a girl who doesn't shake hands with anyone, hmm) but everyone seemed pretty nice. Got to talk to Ling again, and saw Rangga and Kirsten amongst others. After doing my rounds and talking to the different department heads, I think I'm staying with Design & Layout and I left my name with Junwei for Writing, but I'm not sure since I'm hopeless at making datelines. We'll see how things go. At least I got a free goody bag and dinner! =P
And I bumped into Cessy again at the bus-stop (she left earlier for her ODAC interview) and we took the bus and train home together. She stays really near me, which is great. =) She's so much taller than I imagined her to be, but she's as pretty and as fun. Conversation was a bit restrained but we've only met for the first time so that was fine.
I would write more but my head feels like it's gonna explode. Give me strength, oh Lord, to do your good works...
12:04 a.m.
9:07 p.m.
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10:29 p.m.
I am not feeling too good. Nauseated, throbbing headache, tired eyes, bloated stomach and heavy heart (?!). I'm teetering on the edge, ready to pull my hair out from the stress of all the things that are supposed to take place this week, on top of having to work out a feasable timetable for my tutorials! Why can't everything just fall nicely into place at the snap of my fingers? =(
Today - Aspire welcome tea
Tomorrow - Meet Train at Clementi at 5, CGL meeting at 6, Youth CG dinner at half-past 6 and Prayer & Praise at 7:30
Wednesday - Sports Club (tentative)
Wednesday and Thursday - Masai, Johor Bahru (Malaysia) with adult CG
Thursday - Picnic at Bukit Timah with Michael's CG (invited, but I can only be at one place at any given time, no?)
Friday - Adult CG
Saturday - YF programme led by CGLs (i.e. me), leading ice-breakers and structured games
Sunday - Service and hopefully see Nick (he should be released from Tekong on Thurs, 2 weeks is up anyways)
And in between all that hoopla, I need to do up a A1-size (which means gargantuan) poster by Saturday publicising this month's programmes for YF. I'm supposed to use crayons, paint and cut-and-paste. Should I just call up Suan and tell her I can't manage afterall?
Saturday, 4th August 2001
I just got home from a most wonderful night of fellowship with my adult CG. =) I actually missed the CG session itself, but I got a call from Ant on the bus back from NUS asking me if I wanted to join them for supper. They orginally planned for Satay Club at Sembawang (been talking about it for ages but somehow never made it there!) but after hearing I was faraway in Clementi, they were sweet enough to offer to drive down and meet me there instead. Aww...
I waited about half an hour for them whilst they travelled there from Admiralty, and then we whisked off in the car to Commonwealth! I was delighted to hear that Ray was footing the tab tonight, I was completely broke after being ripped off by the Sociology Society in school while he had just received his first pay check from teaching. =)
Although I only just had dinner with Chaz and Kelv at a Japanese restaurant in Holland Village (it was a treat from them...) and was reasonably filled up, I could not resist the temptation when the food my adult CG ordered arrived. We had white hor fun (kway teow, beansprouts and sliced fish), fried chicken, sweet and sour chicken and sambal kangkong. I ate the most as usual, even though I was the only one present who had already eaten prior to that. =P
We started making plans for next Thursday and it seems that we're almost settled on going to a kelong (fish village) in Malaysia. It should be fun (although the driving would take 2 hours) since I've never actually been to one before. But I'm really mostly interested in the food afterwards, heh.
After supper, I started lamenting about how hungrier I was getting the more I ate, and we decided to troop down to Holland Village (again) for post-supper!
So we ended up at Gloria Jean's Coffee, this relatively new coffee chain. We eyed the sofa seats for a while (Des kept asking me to turn on my womanly charms and chase him off, haha!) until the loner sitting there gave up trying to stall time and left. Ant and Ray took orders, the ice-blends are overpriced and bland but the ambience is perfect for group outings. =)
Des suggested a game in which we all think of three statements to make, one of which has to be a truth. We all had to go round and make the statements while the rest of the people guessed which one wasn't a lie. But because I am special, I got to make two truths and one lie instead.
1) I have been approached to be a model before.
And we had such a raucous time trying to figure out each other's truth and some just made really silly statements like "My favourite color is yellow"?! We took the mickey out of Des for that, obviously, heh. So both Des and Shirley both had their first crushes in Primary 6 (though not to each other, they were quick to point out!), Ray had a girl in love with him for four years and Ant has never been to a nude beach. Darn, I thought he would have tried and tested that when he was in New Zealand recently. =P
We were there till half-past one (it closes at two) then Des drove all of us home. Ray sent me up for the first time today (I usually resist because I'm old enough to walk in and take the lift up to my flat) but they were trading horror stories in the car and I got spooked out. I don't want nightmares, especially after eating so much!
2:04 a.m.
2) I have had three boyfriends before.
3) I dated Hao before.
Take a guess? Everybody was astute enough to pick the second, I've only had two. =P
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Oh, Jam n Hop wasn't as happenin' as I thought it would be, maybe because we got there a bit late after dinner but Kumar was fantabulous in his drag act and my high school classmate Rui is in the running for Miss NUS! We didn't even stay for long... I'm really not the partyin' sort. =)
Anyhow I'll be having a leader's retreat tomorrow evening after YF all the way till late Sunday night, somewhere in the Katong area which I'm alien to. I pray that we might have a fruitful and refreshing time... I'm missing "My Best Friend's Wedding" on TV for that! It's only my favouritest movie in the world, but I've seen it 20 times or so and ministry definitely ranks higher than the goggle-box, yes.
Friday, 3rd August 2001
I just finished watching two episodes of "Great Teacher Onizuka" on end on Channel 8, and I hate to admit this, but Takeshi Sorimachi looks so yummy on the show! I greatly despised him before the show - I hated his smug attitude, his bad acting (in "Love Complex"), his atrocious singing voice and most of all, his flared nostrils. =P But darn, he looks so good with short crop hair, I want to eat him up! I actually enjoyed every minute of it as well, the plot cheesy and OTT but the characters were endearing nevertheless... Although, GTO only reminds me of JL (read July archives for stalker tales) because it's his favourite drama and Takeshi his favourite actor. I still like Kimutaku more, of course. =)
There's Jam n Hop this evening! I want to go bask in the fun, but I don't really have someone to buddy up with. I'll just wear my funky pink dress and see how things go. If God wants me to be there, I'll be! Although I'll be missing adult CG for that, and Julie is not too pleased about it. But hey, it's my life and a girl's gotta let loose some time, no?
1:13 a.m.
I got a call from M1 in the afternoon quoting me S$51-something for repairing my handset. In my head I was thinking, Siao, so expensive, go and die but luckily I refrained from being rude over the line, so I just meekly said, "Urm, it's okay, abort the repair and send me back the spoilt phone. So much for gust! Guess I'll be using the Nokia 3210 Xrys is buying... I feel bad, but I need a phone. All I know is that I'll be so embarrassed that I'm changing phones for the sixth time in a year and I still remember everyone's expression when they saw my new Siemens phone last month ("Wah, new phone again!") that I'll be hiding the phone in my bag for as long as I can until someone notices. =P
I really do think I should stop being so forceful in my actions. Just the other day I broke my mum's new hole-puncher because I pressed on it too hard! (She was stumped.) And then I started noticing that things were always flying around in my presence because I'm so cho loh (read clumsy, uncouth in Singlish)... no wonder my mum's always saying, "I don't know why guys are ever interested in you!".
Thursday, 2nd August 2001
I entered LT9 alone today, not knowing anyone from the Sociology module I'm taking. I sat next to a girl somewhere three-quarters back of theatre, she was sitting alone and I didn't think too much of it.
Turns out it's Sam, Jo and Chaz's classmate from VJC! And she's a Christian too, serving actively in kid's ministry. It's too much of a coincidence to strike it off as such!
Thank you, Lord, for leading me to her.
We were both pretty astounded by the situation - she remembers Jo writing me sweet notes in college, and how she would always ask her who it was for, and now she's met me! I confirmed with her I was the one, years ago, who tripped over the Japanese schoolboy who tripped before me at the bus-stop outside the Heeren (Jo told her). And yes, both of our right shoes had flew under the bus. We laughed.
Had lunch with her together at Arts Canteen after lecture. She shared with me how she's waiting for God to lead and use her to establish his kingdom on campus... peppering her sentences with words like God, good, faithful, pray, Spirit-man. I was thoroughly impressed...
I'm so excited I've met her, I have a gut feeling she'll make a profound difference in my life! We exchanged contacts and she said she'll call me... I'll be more than glad to talk to her again. =)
And I have no school on Thursdays, whoopee! Guess I'll spend my day reading... I bought an old edition of an American Sociology textbook at Clementi's Big Bookshop for $3.90 yesterday (yeah, I'm a bargain hunter =P) and borrowed three books from the library today as well -"Cultures of the World : Japan", "The encyclopedia of Japanese Pop culture" and "Girl, Interrupted". I love reading yes I do. =)
Wednesday, 1st August 2001
God is faithful.
Since school started, He has been nothing short of amazing. Everywhere I go, everywhere I turn, every person I meet, I see His handprints and I know He’s watching over me. I don’t know quite how to explain.
He has gone ahead of me and paved the way even before I’ve taken foot.
" ’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’ " - Jeremiah 29:11
It’s a totally independent study environment. You choose to turn up for lectures or not, you determine your timetable, you make your own notes, you photocopy your own readings from the library. More often than not, you realise you have to start doing a lot of things on your own.
But I do like it better this way.
I’ve only attended the lectures for Japanese Studies and IT, but it’s so much more exciting and interesting than school ever was for me. We’re covering pre-historic Japan now, focusing on literature and the status of Heian-era women. The lecturer’s like a docile Japanese housewife, a little flustered but determined and dedicated. For IT, we just finished the history of computers, and I’m fortunate enough to get a lecturer who actually enunciates his words properly (you should have seen my previous Computing Science teachers in ACJC) and knows his syllabus well and injects timely, appropriate humour.
Let’s hope Sociology tomorrow would be just as much good fun.
So for everyone’s who been asking me how school is, I tell you, God came with me. =)
2:20 a.m.
And to add on to what's been happening, this is so not funny but I dropped my handphone (along the road outside the NUS forum, plop plop plop down the concrete ground) and broke the screen. That was only my fifth handphone in a year, yeah. I think someone's trying to tell me something. I was beyond anger or despair, just sheer incredulousness (or incredulity?).
I had to turn it in to M1 for repair and they loaned me a temporary Ericsson T10 (ancient and awful) whilst they send it to Siemens for a quotation. I already told the guy at the counter, I'm not going to pay if they are charging me and they can have the phone.
And you know what the fella joked about upon handing me the T10? "Hey, don't break this phone we're lending you too!" Hahaha, I laughed, but I wasn't that amused.
I got a bit worried because I told half the world I'm never going to buy another handphone should I spoil my current one, I just didn't expect it to happen so sudden and fast. I haven't even told my folks about it, they will totally flip!
But once again, God is good and Xrys is buying an extra Nokia 3210 and called me to offer it to me if I need a new phone. I can't tell you how much I love her...
1:00 a.m.
12:03 a.m.
1:43 a.m.
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